Counted Among the Stars
Photo by Gabrielle Johnson, Chasing Horizons Photography
An Essay by Kaitlyn Ramos
As a child, I surveyed the stars in wonder on a balmy summer night, sketching them in scribbled ink. I knew of the swirling galaxies beyond my eye’s reach, but I was baffled by the truth of their existence. In church, I had learned of a father with descendants as numerous as the stars in the cosmic void above, and that I was one of the myriads—a lone vessel in the vast, dark phenomenon that is the universe. Well, not fully alone. Just like the stars in their constellations, I was part of a kindred that carried a common name. But I was simply an invisible light among the bright stars of Taurus. Like the myriad with too many stars to count, I was among the uncounted, the unseen, wondering whether I might ever become a visible, twinkling dot in the void. I was not aware that, even in seeming anonymity, I was fully seen, completely loved, and carefully crafted by the One who calls every star by name.
Time passes, stars fade—and sometimes they fall. On another balmy summer night in my youth, my sister, calling my name, woke me out of a heavy slumber. We lay in damp grass in the deserted, voiceless fog of nighttime to gaze at the Perseids on full display in the cosmos. Streams of brilliant light scattered across the heavens, bursting in harmony through the indigo clouds. My sister and I, two giggling girls alone in the shadows. A shared moment in time, my name known. But there was always One who knew. Knew the name of the unseen me before my light brightened just enough to become a glittering speck in the wide skies. The same One who can count the stars and fully, fondly know each one. He would whisper my name, but my own longings drowned out the soft sound. I was twinkling, but I wanted to shine.
Like a shooting star,I plummeted from the sky one day on the verge of maturity. Like a lost sheep, I wandered from the fold, confused and broken. Clinging to a black hole disguised as a luminous sphere, a meteor on a crash course to the sun. Desperate to shine, I clung on, deluded and disgraced. All hope seemed lost, and I thought my light would extinguish forever. But even as I fell, I was still counted, determined as part of His number. Like that lost sheep, I was lovingly pursued by the One who loved me, restored me, counted me, knew me. He knew of all my wanderings yet pursued me anyway. Rather than burning up in the sun, the Son braved the dark and dangerous places of my soul to bring me back to my own constellation, my safe haven. He always saw my unseen light and gifted me a new chance to turn my flicker into a flame.
A chance became a change, and more stars added to my constellation. On another balmy summer night, I sat by the fireside with the two loves of my life, my husband and daughter. We stared up in awe at the glowing, celestial galaxy. Two giggling girls and the man who sheltered them. My girl and I sang into the stars and to the Lord a made-up harmony I had longed for in my youth. She pointed her petite finger to the North Star—the star of wonder in the night. The star reflected in the soft golden-brown rings of her eyes. This star has guided many ships safely to harbor on shadowed seas. Even when I was unaware, I always had my own guiding Light. The Light that battled an endless void to bring me safely home to His embrace. My own North Star who shares His light with me, His very Spirit now residing within.
On a clear night by a lake, I am again scribbling under the stars—only this time it is words that fall from my pen. Words of longing, of love, of laughter, of life. The galaxies still swirl above, but the once cosmic void within me is now a thriving Spirit of Light. My scribbles intensify as the Light swells up inside. Glittering specks, each glowing and glamorous, litter the mirrored surface of the lake, each one counted and known by name, for “He determines the number of the stars; he gives to all of them their names (Ps. 147:4, ESV).”
My pen moves with a force. I am without blemish, my words casting a smoldering ember into the darkness surrounding. The One who counted me when I felt unseen, knew my name when I felt unknown, protected me when I wandered, and guided me safely home has now equipped me. My ways are His ways as I move through the world. I shine.
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